Couple Bashers
by Cheea5
Summary: What happens when someone tries to bash couples as a reality show? This is for humor and not made to offend, I will do all couples eventualy. -Discontinued unless requested otherwise-
1. Kruan Yutos

**Couple Bashers**

Chapter 1: Kruan/Yutos

Disclaimer: hmm… this is no? And fan fiction is made by fans no? Hmmm this is tough I'm a fan and your not a fan if you created the game…you're creators… (Also I don't own Naruto, Fire emblem or Tos which I may steal stuff from there later…)

Dedications: I have a beta named Saphira! Oh wait, my beta reader? That would be Anarin a super awesome author who I bow down to (I am her number one fan) and the one the only well know MEOWZY-CHAN! Everyone knows who she is. She helped me with ideas and Anarin (My favorite author (sorry Meowzy-sama (for those who don't know this Sama is more respectful than Chan)) made sure I didn't embarrass myself with too many grammar mistakes.

This is purely for humor purposes. Please give it a chance; I hope you laugh at least once. By the way this is my first fic. If you don't like it then you can get your money back. Incidentally, this is free and I am not making any money so don't sue. That would be bad… All I have is goes and counts $1.63 (I did count) in my wallet after that Anime convention. That was fun LOL. By the way the characters are OOC but that is to add humor.

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WELCOME TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF Takes big breath COUPLE BASHERS!!! First up are Yuan and Kratos!

Wait Yuan? Evil smile this will be fun. Ok to Yuan and Kratos!

"Kratos?" Yuan said nervously

"Yes Yuan." Kratos replied casually.

"Why is the author here?"

"OMG!!!! YUAN-SAMA! Cling" said one hyperactive author.

"KRATOS! GET IT OFF!"

"That's very very mean Yuan; you'll hurt my tender feelings."

"Hmm… Tender, right."

"YAY FIRE EMBLEM! MATTHEW IS THE BEST!"

Yuan then lost his temper (as he always does) and yelled "Than would you mind, GETTING OFF OF ME!!!"

"I meant the best in Fire Emblem." Cheea5 said slyly.

"KRAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!" Yuan whined causing Kratos to pick up his sword threateningly.

"You know my sister is a Kratos fan-girl right? MumblethoughnotasobsessiveasmeMumble"

"I'll take my chances" and with that he hit Cheea5 repeatedly with his sword.

"HA! Sand shield! YAY GAARA! Sure he has issues (at first) but so do I and I don't like to talk about them…"

"That explains a lot," said a smirking Yuan.

" SHUT UP!" And with that Cheea5 hit Yuan on head with her fist and immediately went back to clinging.

"Is there a reason you're here." Kratos said while frowning.

"Yes, um lets see how should I put this…"

"You're still on me you know." Yuan said his eye twitching.

" Put what?" Kratos said ignoring Yuan's current position.

" Well I just say this… WELCOME TO COUPLE BASHERS!"

" SHIT!"

" YUAN! NO SWEARING!"

Kratos wondering what's going says one of the most boring lines in the book " What…"

" Kratos run."

" I use my magical powers to reset this level!"

" What?"

" Oops, wrong game…"

" Okay…" Yuan said. On another note Kratos is already gone.

" I use my author powers to bring Kratos back and make it so he won't run away!"

" That's a mouthful." Yuan mumbled

" NO!!! I'M BACK! Cries "

" Come on, I'm not _that_ bad."

" Yes you are."

" SHUT UP! Author hits Yuan Now down to business. So Kratos, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GAY!"

" What happened to no swearing?" Yuan interjected.

" SHUT UP!"

Yuan ignored her and continued "Also, I've heard a rumor you like Kruan…"

" Um…"

Kratos cut in, "Don't tell me you actually _read_ those things!"

" I do and they're quite entertaining."

" I don't even want to know what goes in those things." Yuan said shuddering.

The author soon decided to continue "Now back to bashing. Kratos you never answered my question, WHY ARE YOU GAY!"

"WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT!"

"Kratos," Yuan said "Do you see why I told you to run?"

"AWNSER THE QUESTION!"

"I chose D, one of the above" Kratos said mockingly.

"Kratos you're mean, and to think you were my second favorite character (next to Yuan of course)"

This caught Kratos by surprise. "If I'm your second favorite and Yuan's your first, then why are you doing this?"

"Because… I want to?"

" Sigh you're hopeless"

"Fine I'll list reasons why you can't be together and I'll see if you can counter them, you're both guys."

"Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Right… Moving on, You're both Seraphim,"

" THAT'S NOT A REASON!"

"It is because I said so!"

"AHHH!!!"

"I just realized!"

"What?"

"Yuan is QUIET!"

"Oh that, I gave him sleeping pills so he wouldn't say anything stupid."

" Looks at Yuan How can he sleep standing? He is lucky sleeping pills work for him if they worked for me I would have less restless nights…"

"If your done leave."

"Cheea5 isn't done yet!"

"Why are you speaking third person?"

"I dunno…"

"Just finish already!" Kratos yelled in irritation.

"Jeez temper…"

"Have you seen Yuan in the morning?!?"

"OH! Do tell!"

"On second though, forget I mentioned it…"

"But I wanna know!"

Suddenly Yuan started talking in his sleep "Oh Kratos…" Kratos turned bright red "I want you to…" Cheea5 clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Somehow I think that will be inappropriate and this is only rated T."

"Wow it seems you're a bit more responsible than I thought…"

"You have to be to have strait A's"

"I thought they were dropping to B's."

"SHUT UP! I'm leaving but before I do I guess it's ok for you to be together because Yuan is girly and has long hair."

"I'm going to tell Yuan and he is going to hunt you down! With help."

"Good bye see you soon! Runs away before Kratos casts 'Grave'."

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Please vote on favorite couples. I'm doing all couples but you vote will count for the ending If you flame expect an unpleasant reply but if you say it sucks and give a suggestion on how to fix it, expect a thanks. Other reviews are welcome, like suggestions By the way If the way it was written sucked I'm sorry, I wanted script format but I found out that wasn't allowed so I had to edit it and I didn't want to re-write it, next chapter will be better.


	2. Preena Sheesa

**Couple Bashers**

Chapter 2: Preena-Sheesa?

AH! First I had to leave THEN I couldn't get my document onto the site! GOD! Sorry this is a short chapter…

Disclaimer: This wouldn't be FAN fiction if I owned the game. But I sure as pie wish I did. I own the following game disks/packs: Fire Emblem, Naruto, Tales of Symphonia, Tales of Legendia, and ect. I own the following game/show rights: I DON'T OWN CRAP! Thank you please enjoy my totally random story

Dedications: This chapter is dedicated to 'Vrath Elias Seraphia Combatir' because I probably would have not done this one because I wouldn't have thought of it… I take suggestions so you don't have to wait for a certain couple. Also I dedicate the whole story to Meowzy-chan and Anarin of course. Also to Noc and NC for helping me get my chapter up sooner!

**READ THIS!** I have NOTHING against Lesbians; I didn't mean to offend anyone... So if you are the person who flamed... I"M SORRY! T.T -gloom-

Ok this is going to be weird but I'm gonna have fun with it! Evil grin If I was paid to do this I would do a whole lot more so I would be RICH!

(AN: It's shorter than I would have like and there are some weird parts…)

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Welcome back to COUPLE BASHERS! Today we are doing Presea and Sheena! Whoa! Looks at script again This will be interesting…

"Sheena" Presea said with her usual lack of emotion.

"Hmm?" Sheena responded with a similar tone.

"I believe this is what Kratos warned us about…"

"WHAT!" Sheena yelled with alarm.

"HI GUYS!" The very hyper authoress yelled.

"PRESEA RUN!" Sheena screamed.

"Wow Sheena, I always thought you never freaked out. Good thing I activated my authoress powers before hand!"

"This is, bad…" Presea said.

"Yes Presea! Great job!" And with that Sheena gave Presea a quick kiss on the lips.

"OMG! CREEPY! THAT'S WAY WRONG!" Cheea5 said with a look of horror on her face.

"What was that?!?" Sheena said in rage. Cheea5 then whimpered quietly. "What, the great Cheea5 is whimpering?"

"Zelos is right, you are a violent demonic Banshee." Cheea5 said regretting it the moment the words left her mouth for right after that Sheena started to approach, her cards in hand. (AN: censored, please stand by )

"Ow, my head" Cheea5 said in a daze. She then took out Fire Emblem and used an Elixir. "Those things are expensive you know!"

"Oh Boo-hoo I care!" Sheena said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"We got… off subject…" Presea cut in.

"That we did, ok back to the bashing but before that, I use my powers as an author to make it so Sheena doesn't hurt me!" Cheea5 said.

"Do you really have to voice it?"

"No, it's more of an FYI thing."

"Oh…"

"Sheena," Presea started, "You promised to…" Sheena quickly put a hand over her mouth.

"Later dear." Sheena said, her face bright red.

"EW! TMI!" Cheea5 shouted.

"H-how d-do yo-you know if we were talking about th-that!" Sheena replied, her face turning redder.

"B-by th-the fact that your st-studdering" Cheea5 replied, her face red as well. For minutes there was an awkward silence. Finally Sheena cleared her throat.

"Why don't we move on..."

"And forget this ever happened?" Cheea5 said hopefully.

"Agreed," They all said at the same time, except Presea who was oblivious to what was wrong.

"Ahem, So how did you guys get together?" Cheea5 said her face still slightly red.

"That's a bit personal," Sheena mumbled. Cheea5 snorted.

"Fine, be that way. ONWARD! So…why Presea? She's a bit…clueless…and emotionless…At least she's not emo…"

Sheena put her hands to her hips. "You're annoying you know that?"

"I try," Cheea5 said with a smile on her face that sent shivers down your spine. "Another reason you shouldn't be together, YOU'RE BOTH GIRLS!"

"So? It shouldn't matter plus, you don't seem to have a problem with Yuan and Kratos being together!" Sheena countered.

"That's different, them being together makes sense. Also, isn't it weird that she is sorta older then you sorta younger then you?"

"First off, what? And second, do you enjoy using incorrect grammar?"

"I'll start with the second one, yes, yes I do. And the first, She has been alive longer than you but since her age was stopped before your age she is technically both."

"…" Sheena couldn't think of anything to say, but then again she was taking that moment to fill with rage. Then she managed to find her voice. "Presea, why don't we show the authoress out."

"Of course." Presea said with a hint of wickedness in her voice.

"N-no need, I'll s-show my self out." And with that, she fled. On her way out she yelled "GOODBYE LESBIANS! SEE YOU NEXTTIME!"

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HAHAHA! I couldn't resist XD I hope no one's mad at me… um… Please vote on your favorite couple, not out of the ones I've done, but your favorite couple in general because if I wasn't going to do it because I didn't think of it, then your vote will change that! Plus it decides the ending Also, Botta couples will be included!


	3. Sheelos Zelna

**Couple Bashers**

Chapter 2: Sheelos

I'm sorry it took so long to update. I couldn't reach Anarin and still can't so grammar and spelling might suck… sorry! (edit) fix fix fix! I fixed some things

Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure I don't even know how to make a video game so how could I work for Namco? If I did though drools I don't work for/own any game/show company AT ALL!

Dedications: takes big breath There is Noc and NC, Meowzy-chan, and Anarin. Noc and NC suggested Sheelos. Also my beta reader Anarin and my idea source! Not really, she helps a lot though! And falling on my but from grammar mistakes is bad so Anarin is the bestest (IT'S A REAL WORD CUZ I SAID SO!) EVER! I'm eating sugar now XD! But that's not why I'm hyper, who needs sugar/caffeine to be hyper

I'm hoping to make this longer than the last one. No one has voted yet! T.T

SO SAD! I feel rejected (not really) OH WHOA IS I, Me… WHATEVER! Ok maybe sugar does make me hyper. Maybe I just need a life… yea… I do…

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Welcome back to TALK ALL YOU WANT! Oops wrong script flips through papers here we are! Welcome back to COUPLE BASHERS! Again… Well anyway, today we have Sheena and Zelos. FINALY A STRAIT COUPLE! About time!

"NO! SHE'S BACK!" Sheena yelled hysterically.

"Who's back my hunny?" Zelos said.

"Hunny? Sheena, your Zelos's hunny? Well, it's better than you and Presea…" The author taunted. Zelos screamed, whether from fear or surprise we shall never know. "Whoa! Zelos take a chill pill, no, take a caplet!"

"What?"

"Never mind, inside joke… I HATE pills shudder "

"I bet you have to take pills daily," Sheena said with her voice filled with venom.

"Actually I do, not for mental issues as you probably think. But Sheena I'm shocked! You can be angry with someone other then Zelos!"

"My my, you're so vicious. But that's how I like them." Zelos said staring naughtily at Sheena. Sheena reacted by her face turning red, but she still grinned.

"IS EVERY COUPLE LIKE THIS!!!!!!" Cheea5 yelled more creeped out than angry (can you blame her?) She then started hitting her head on a nearby wall "Why, why, why, why, why, why!" The crazy author only stopped when she thought she had a concussion. "Ow…" She turned around to find Zelos and Sheena staring at her like she was being herself, I mean-like they saw her thoughts, NO- they saw her being strange. Yea that's it hehehe…

"Why did you hit your head repeatedly on a wall?" Zelos said dumbfounded.

"Um… You saw nothing…"

"But-!"

"NOTHING!"

"Whatever…" Zelos mumbled.

"Okay, to bashing… Great… Now I'm so dizzy I can't read the script… which I wrote…" She started to fall when Zelos caught her.

"ZELOS! Why did you catch her? If you let her fall we could have tied her up and kept her out of trouble! Plus she would be in more pain and wouldn't fight as much as she will now!"

"But she's a hunny, I mean-,"

"Why you-!" Sheena slapped him and then stormed off. This caused Zelos to drop the author who, because of gravity, started to fall.

"O-Ow…" Cheea5 moaned holding her head.

"First aid!" Zelos said putting the spell he chanted into effect.

"T-thanks…" She stood up.

"Who knew you could be courteous." Zelos said mockingly.

"Why you-!" She said slapping him hard, making a nice loud solid sound. She then put her hands on her hips satisfied.

"HEY! Sheena already did that!"

"Then kiss and make up! On second thought… please don't… Well anyway, I have a show to put on!"

"I was hoping you forgot…" Zelos mumbled going to find Sheena, knowing he had no choice in the matter. Soon Zelos Returned with an annoyed Sheena.

"Lets get this over with," Sheena growled.

"So Sheena, why do you like Zelos after all he has said and done?"

"BURN IN HELL!"

"… Is there a reason you hate me?"

"Many reasons, most of my comments are too violent/rude for T, unfortunately…" Sheena said wistfully.

"You have MAJOR anger issues…"

"I know! Doesn't she?" Zelos said cutting in.

"I feel for you," Cheea5 said patting Zelos on the back.

"FINE! Why don't you and Zelos go out! You get along well enough!" Sheena yelled, tears forming in her eyes. With that she ran away crying. Zelos stared after her.

Cheea5 then slapped him. "GO AFTER HER! Apologize! Comfort her! Make her feel better! Don't just stand there like an idiot!" She slapped him again.

"That's the fifth time today!"

"Fifth?"

"Sheena has slapped me twice today…"

"…"

" I better go…"

"Yea…" Cheea5 said dragging the word out.

Zelos Came back with Sheena but was… in pain…

" Slaps forehead You're an idiot…" It was silent for a while with Zelos on the minds of all (except for one coughZeloscough ) Finally Sheena broke the silence that had settled upon them.

"Um… Zelos I'm sorry for hurting you…"

"Yea but Sheena, He could have just healed himself…" Cheea5 pointed out.

"Zelos, I've lost some respect for you…" Sheena said after she processed what the author said.

"Sheena!" Zelos said with disbelief.

"Sheena," Cheea5 said carefully "Do you still hate me?"

"Hmm… Yes."

"WHAT! WHY!" Cheea5 shouted with disbelief.

"Who started this show?"

"Me…" The author mumbled.

"Are you getting paid?"

"No…" She said still mumbling.

"So why are you doing this?"

"Because I need a life and it's a way to spend my time…"

"I see… You did this because you were bored…"

"Yea…"

"Despicable!" Sheena said with sudden rage.

"I'M SORRY!" Cheea5 said hiding behind Zelos, using him as a meat shield.

"You are?"

"No… Well… Um… Back to bashing!" Cheea5 said, changing the subject.

"JUST GIVE UP!" Sheena shouted in irritation.

"NEVER!"

"Then go bug someone else!"

"Later."

"GAH!"

"If you need comfort then go to your perverted boyfriend," Cheea5 said while snickering.

"I summon thee, Gnome!" Sheena said with a smirk on her face. Sure enough Gnome came.

"OMG! GNOME! He is the best summon spirit!" Cheea5 said in a fan-girlish way.

"Gnome, she keeps on being mean to us!" Zelos whined while pointing a finger at the author.

"You know when you point at someone there are three fingers pointing back at you," the author said, afterwards she stuck her tongue out in a very immature way.

"She's just a fan-girl," Gnome said "what harm can she do?"

"You have no idea."

"…"

"BYE GNOME!" Cheea5 shouted as he left. "Ok, back to bashing. So Zelos, how do your 'hunnies' feel about you and Sheena?"

"I don't need them if I have Sheena "

"Somehow I doubt that…"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like." The author said a-matter-a-factly.

"I'd better before Sheena beats me up like the demonic banshee she is, BYE! I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME!"

""Please, don't come back," Sheena, mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing…"

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YAY! IT'S LONGER THAN THE FIRST CHAPTER! I would like votes… The end will be good, I know you will like it I really should learn first-aid… I'm too lazy XD God I love Jim Gaffigan. He is an AWSOME comedian sigh … I got way off subject, well anyway please review and tell me what you think, my goal is to always reply. Suggestions are appreciated


	4. Yutta Yuboat

**Couple Bashers**

Chapter 4: Yuta (?) Yuboat (I didn't come up with that…)

Sorry it took so long. My Beta reader was busy.

Disclaimer: Don't own Namco or Fire Emblem or anything else that's a company/game.

Dedications: Meowzy-chan and Anarin! Especially Anarin because she recommended this couple

Lets see if I can make this long! I doubt it cuz I SUCK! Remember to vote on your favorite couple in ToS overall because I'm not going to be evil to them in the end! Ok Sono, I'll try to make a Sain reference. Oh, and FYI Sain is a person. WISH ME LUCK XD This will be harder because I'm calm today. It's a pretty new experience for me.

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OK! Welcome back to Couple Bashers! Lets see, who am I doing today? Hmmm… This candy is good. Oh wait I'm supposed to tell you who I'm doing! Yuan and Botta! That's a cute couple! Why did they have to kill Botta! -- So cruel.

"Lord Yuan! Lord Yuan!" Botta yelled franticly.

"Yes, Botta," Yuan said as he did a load of, you guessed it, paperwork.

"There have been sightings of the author, and the worst thing is that she's IN the base!" Botta said, fear in his eyes (Amazing what a XR year old can do (XY-T and RL+1))

"The author! She's worse then paperwork! And that's saying something!"

"OMG! Botta! Your not dead anymore!" the author yelled.

"Lord Yuan, was I dead?" Botta asked.

"No, but the authors crazy," Yuan said a-matter-a-factly.

"Oh."

"Botta, die or I'll kill you!" Cheea5 yelled.

"I thought you liked Botta." Yuan pointed out.

"And?" The author asked.

"I don't get your logic…"

"Don't worry, I'm sane,"

Yuan scoffed, "I doubt it!"

"Everyone's out to get me!"

"Will you just leave!" Botta said in frustration.

"Why would I do that?" The author asked. "I just got here,"

"How did you get in here anyway?" Yuan asked.

"I'm an author, I can do anything," Cheea5 replied, "Including make you wear a dress, but I'm not that evil. Mean and evil are two separate things."

"You can make me wear a dress!" Yuan shouted in horror. "Kratty! Where's my Kratty!"

"You and Botta are together so you're not supposed to have a Kratty," Cheea5 said sternly referring to a teddy bear that resembles Kratos. Yuan then used his trump card, the puppy dog eyes. Unable to resist the author squealed "KAWAII! Ok, ok, if it's fine with Botta you can have a Kratty."

"I guess it's fine…" Botta said.

"YAY!" Yuan cried with joy.

"Back to bashing…" Cheea5 said.

"I think you should leave now," Botta said cutting in.

"Um… no. Any ways were should I begin… How about the fact that you are gay! If Yuan is gay it should be at least with Kratos!"

"I'm pretty sure you have said that quote: 'Botta and Yuan are a cute couple' end quote." Botta replied.

"You, you need to go die," Cheea5 said annoyed.

"My my, so violent," Yuan said.

"Yea yea…"

"What are you drawing in?" Yuan said curiously.

"A sketch book,"

"Do I want to know?"

"I'm drawing you in a more modern outfit, and it isn't too bad." Yuan looked over Cheea5's shoulder.

"Not bad… But I'm way sexier than that, sheesh."

"That's a good picture for what I have done so shut up and let me get on with the show!"

"I'm assuming we have no choice in the matter…" Botta said, looking downcast.

"YOU'RE SO MEAN! That's it I'm gonna, wait… that's WAY too violent for T… -Sigh- oh well…"

"Women," Botta and Yuan simultaneously.

"Are you kidding me? Men are much more immature!" The author shouted.

"You're a fine one to talk," Yuan retorted.

"I'll give you five seconds to apologize before I start throwing sharp things at you, 1…2…4," Cheea5 started.

"I'M SORRY DON'T HURT ME!" Yuan said. Botta merely rolled his eyes.

"Didn't you give in a little quick? Whatever, ok back to bashing. Out of curiosity, if Botta was having affairs with anyone besides you would you be fine with it or say that it was only a distraction for him?"

"… It's weird, it's like you have multiple personalities…" Yuan said.

"Hmm… I guess your right… But answer the question."

"…I dunno…"

"God, my brain is going to rot if I keep listening to music through headphones…"

"Where did that come from?" Botta asked.

"How should I know?" Cheea5 replied.

"Um, question. Were you dropped on your head when you were little?" Yuan said.

"YOU ARE SO RUDE!"

"Like your much better,"

"What do you expect? I'm only XR"

"Your only XR? You're a lot younger than me." Yuan commented.

"Well your over 4,000 years old so that's not saying much…"

"Are you saying I'm old?"

"Well now that you mention it…"

"Why you-!"

"Lord Yuan, don't provoke her." Botta said.

"Wow we haven't gotten that far have we?"

"Nope."

"Thank Martel!"

"Excuse me!"

"Botta, please don't say that."

"Sorry Lord Yuan."

"We need to get started."

"NO!"

"Please spare us!"

"Oh stop it."

(AN: Yes I did that on purpose, you decide who said what.)

"Will you please leave? The Renegades have business." Yuan said trying to hold his temper in check.

"Does someone need a hug?" The author said tauntingly.

"Oh god no! Unless it's from Botta!" Yuan said.

"Freak…" Cheea5 mumbled. Yuan glared at her. "What! It's true!" Yuan then got an idea. He whispered it into Botta's ear, which Botta responded to by grinning evilly.

"Ok here's the deal, you leave or else!" Yuan said confidently.

"Or else what?"

"Botta, please come here," (AN: If you do not want a small description of naughty things, skip the rest of this paragraph) They soon were kissing each other and doing many other things. Yuan was kissing Botta's neck and moving on. Botta's hand was working on getting into Yuan's shirt.

(New paragraph starts here) "You know, I wonder how the Renegades react if they saw a recording of this…" The effect was instantaneous, both faces turned as red as a Tomato (Sorry Kratos). They broke away immediately and turned away from each other, faces still red.

"What's wrong with the Renegades knowing about your relationship?" The author asked innocently.

"I swear I'll-!"

"YUAN! NO VIOLENCE!" Botta said sternly.

"But she's the work of the devil!"

"I can hear you, you know…"

"So?" Yuan replied.

"Wow, you have my logic!"

"Why me?" Botta asked.

"Hey!" Yuan and Cheea5 said together.

"Truce?" Cheea5 asked Yuan.

"Ah, no."

"Fine be that way."

"Kill me now." Botta said.

"Whose fault? Hers or mine?"

"Hers."

"YAY!"

"If you weren't such good characters, I swear you would be dead right now!" The author said, clearly agitated.

"If you're mad then leave! Or do you need a time out?" Yuan asked.

"No sir…" The author mumbled. "Wait a minute! You can't tell me what to do! I'm the author!"

"And?"

"Go die."

"I'll pass."

"Wow! Look at the time! I guess I'll go now!"

"Thank Mana!"

"Oh and for the record, I'll be back!"

"NO!"

"I'm not that bad," Cheea5 said winking. Yuan shuddered. "Goodbye!"

"Please, don't come back!"

"Don't worry I will!"

"Great…"

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NEW RECORD! 1,085 WORDS! YAY! I'm happy! I wrote this in chunks so… Yea… I'm sorry it took so long! I so suck… Please comment! I accept constructive criticism.


	5. Zellyod Llyos

**Couple Bashers**

Chapter 5: Zelloyd/Lloylos (?)

I'M SORRY! I haven't updated for so long! I was updating 'Cold' so… SORRY! The chapter of cold isn't even good… But the next one will rock! Also my grandmas came over to my house to stay and then we had family issues and then I had writer block and then I went over to my dad's house and finally beat ToL...

Disclaimer: Don't own Namco or Fire Emblem or anything else that's a company/game.

Dedications: Meowzy-chan and Anarin! And 'The Amazing Sono-chan' because she asked for this couple (I want to know who took the user name Sono-chan)

**Votes**: YAY! I can add this now! One person has voted (Well two, but it's not official unless it's in a review)

Mithos and Genis: 1

He is going to enjoy the end so much… Pity me… Oh wait, you don't know the end so you have no idea what I'm talking about! Please vote… You will enjoy it… I'm using 3 couples and if I haven't done them, I will. YOU WILL ENJOY THE ENDING! Please vote…

Omg...The only thing I have learned in English all year is how to manipulate someone. And the year is almost over… Ok, that was random and crap. You should have seen what was typed here BEFORE! God it was random (I had two things but I settled on this). And it held no meaning. I'M SORRY! I haven't updated for so long! I was updating 'Cold' so… SORRY! Ok I'm done with my ranting. Hopefully.

Ok, the paragraph before this was typed a while ago. School is finally over! I should be updating more now just so you know. Ok maybe not...

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Who am I doing… Hmm… I need caffeine… That's just what the world needs… Zelos and Lloyd? I wonder what their like on caffeine… -visualizes them causing destruction- … -evil grin-

"Lloyd hunny?" Zelos's voice rang out.

"Hmm?"

"It seems we are about to be interrupted…"

"Kay…"

"Are you listening?"

"Huh? What?"

"Is he always sluggish in the morning?" Zelos screamed.

"Zelos, take a chill pill. No take a caplet," the author said.

"Haven't you told me that before?" Zelos asked.

"Um… No?"

"Zelos… Who's she?" Lloyd asked suspiciously. The author then caught what he was implying.

"I'm way too hot for him."

"No one is too hot for me!" Zelos said offended.

"Lying won't make you feel better."

"I have Lloyd don't I?"

"Him? He's as dense as a brick."

"Excuse me?" Lloyd said insulted.

"It's true!"

"Why are you here anyway?"

"This is Couple Bashers silly!"

"… Isn't that what Da-Kratos warned us about?" Zelos nodded.

"Why don't you like to call him dad?" Lloyd just shrugged. "Men," the author muttered.

"Ok to bashing… Actually I'm feeling sluggish… Be right back." The author left and Zelos and Lloyd, err… chatted with each other…

"Back!" The author said bouncing up and down.

"Why are you jumping?" Zelos asked.

"Oh! That's why the ground is moving!" the author replied. (AN: This has happened to someone I know except it was energy drinks … and only 2 hours of sleep… don't ask…)

"St-arbu-cks Coffee?" Lloyd read off of the cup the author was holding. The author momentarily stopped bouncing and put her hands on her knees (don't ask about the cup, I don't know).

"Very good, Lloyd!" She said as if she was speaking to a toddler.

"How much Caffeine is in that thing?" Zelos inquired.

"Three times more then usual. Why?" Zelos grabbed the cup out of Cheea5's hands. "OH MY GOD! IT'S EMPTY!"

"Allready?Suchashame!God,nowI'mhyper!WAIT!That'sgood!Yay!Iwantmorecoffee!Yeacoffeecoffeecoffee!" The author's words were slurring together now.

"Um… Excuse me, what?"

"Coffeecoffeecoffee!"

"Oh god…"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Run!"

"I can't!" Lloyd responded in distress.

"Damn author powers!"

"Thesepowersareactuallyuseful!Hahahahaha!Somuchenergy!" The author was bouncing off the walls almost literally.

"We're gonna die!" Lloyd shouted hysterically. Zelos grabbed Lloyd by the shoulders.

"We're not going to die! Now calm down!" Zelos shrieked.

"Ohyea,I'msupposedtobebashingsobacktobashingyeayeayea."

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!" Lloyd screeched in frustration.

"LLOYD! CALM DOWN!"

"NO!"

"CHEESECAKE!" the author cut it.

"WHAT THE HELL! ARE YOU HIGH!"

"NOSWEARING!"

"WHY ARE WE YELLING?" Lloyd cut in.

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW?"

"WOULD WE JUST STOP!"

"FINE!"

"OK!"

"JEEZ!"

"OK,SOJUSTSHUTUP!INEEDTOGETBACKTOBASHING!" Zelos got an idea.

"We will answer you questions if you STOP YELLING!"

"Ok,jeez.What'swithyou?" The author mumbled.

"I wonder…"

"You understood that?" Lloyd asked his boyfriend.

"Somehow…"

"TOBASHING!" Cheea5 yelled.

"Calm down…"

"NEVER!Hmm,letsseehowIcanmakethisgood…IKNOW!IsummonKratos!" Then a puff of smoke appeared. After the smoke cleared, Kratos could be seen looking confused.

"Why am I here?"

"CuzIsummonedyou!"

"…What?"

"Isummonedyou!"

"I don't care if this spell can't be casted in the game! I'm casting it!" And then Kratos started casting (If you didn't get that). "SLOW!"

"Hey! That's not in the game!"

"LIKE I CARE!"

"Oh, by the way did you know Lloyd and Zelos are dating?"

"WHAT!"

"Check and mate."

"Da-Kratos, it's not what you think!"

"Then you're not dating?" Kratos said, not buying it.

"Well we are but-"

"BUT NOTHING! ZELOS! Get over here!" Zelos gulped and complied.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The author was laughing evilly (But sucked at it).

"You suck at that…" Zelos commented.

"Even Mithos can laugh more evilly then that." The author scoffed.

"I doubt it!"

"It's true!"

"That's it! I have to beat the crap out of Mithos now!" The author started to cast. "Haste!"

"SHIT! WE'RE SCREWED!"

"ISUMONMTHS" Nothing happened.

"To summon someone, you have to say the whole thing, your words are slurring so much that you didn't."

"ISUMONMITHOS!" This time Mithos did appear.

"WHY THE HE-"

"NOSWERNG!"

"… What?"

"Mithos, the author has summoned you to try to beat you to a bloody pulp." Kratos said.

"Did she now?" The author nodded (but it was almost impossible to tell). Then Mithos got an idea (never a good thing).

"I didn't quite see that. Could you do that again?" Cheea5 nodded again.

"I didn't catch it again, just keep doing it until I figure it out."

"I'mntstpd,Iwn'tshkemyheaduntlIgtdizy."

"You won't do what? Will you show me?"

"Iwn'tdothisyoufreakenmoron." She was shaking her head and was soon dizzy and then she fell down and Mithos promptly started attacking.

"Mithos, that's cheap!" Lloyd said.

"Like I care! Dang it, there seems to be a barrier."

"She the author, she controlling this…"

"Then why is she unconscious?"

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW! Odd, I have a sudden urge to threaten my son's boyfriend. And that sounds like a good idea to me."

"OH! OH! Can I join!" Mithos asked eagerly jumping up and down. Kratos just shrugged. "YAY!" Kratos and Mithos turned to Zelos.

"Don't even think about it!" Zelos said. Kratos stepped closer.

"Fireball!"

"Ready for this! First aid!"

"Judgment!"

"OW!"

"Dang it Mithos, you hit the author!" Kratos yelled.

"So?" Mithos asked.

"MITHOS!" The author had an evil look in her eyes that caused everyone to shiver.

"H-hey, I-it's Cheea5…"

"I call upon thee in the land of the dead to unleash thy fury of thunder, Indignation!" Cheea5 finished casting her spell and took a look at the result. "MITHOS! You're not supposed to dodge!"

"When did the caffeine wear off?" Mithos asked.

"Um… Kratos casted slow?"

"How did he do it without being noticed?"

"Um… Plot hole?"

"That works. WAIT! Theirs no plot!"

"Sucks for you then doesn't it?"

"My life sucks! First Martel died, then Yuan started plotting against me, and…" Mithos was now crying.

"FREAK! I'm am NOT a therapist, I don't care about your problems."

"You're cruel and unusual! -Coughlookingcoughcough-"

"THAT'S MY LINE!"

"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!" Kratos yelled.

"Only if you get me a good picture of Yuan," Cheea5 replied.

"Maybe…"

"REALLY!"

"No."

"Humph."

"At least she's quiet now," Zelos muttered.

"I just realized! I haven't been bashing at all! I need to change that!"

"Really, that's ok right Lloyd hunny?" Lloyd nodded.

"Oh, but I _insist_." Cheea5 said with a taunting tone.

"Will you just _stop_! We don't enjoy this you know!" Zelos yelled.

"This is the thanks I get for preventing boredom!" Cheea5 said pouting.

"Preventing your boredom isn't helpful!" Lloyd yelled in exasperation.

"I'm not preventing my boredom silly! I'm preventing the boredom of the readers!"

"Yea, well the readers need to get a life!" Mithos said crossing his arms.

"MITHOS! You better run because I'm gonna kick you're a-"

"Cheea5! Watch your language!" Kratos bellowed.

"Ow! You're loud!" the author complained. "Besides, Mithos insulted my readers… I REALLY don't want my first flame… Or to get sued or anything… Even though I have no reason to get sued seeing as I'm making no profit…"

"Cheea5, you didn't have to mention that, that's what the disclaimer is for."

"Yea yea, no one cares Kratos."

"Drown! Spread!"

"WHAT THE (star star star star)!! YOU CAN'T CAST THAT IN THE GAME!!"

"So? You casted haste!"

"So? You casted slow before I casted haste! That's it, you're so fired."

"What. The. Heck."

"I really need to get to bashing. I've already used more than 1,000 words… I need to wrap this chapter up…"

"Fine…"

"Zelos, you have hunnies! You can't be gay! And Lloyd! What about Colette! Wait, I don't care about that..."

"So what if I have 'hunnies'? They're nothing special..." Zelos replied. Cheea5 then coughed which sounded oddly like two-timer.

"What do you mean by 'What about Colette'?" Lloyd said confused. "I don't get it..."

"OH MY GOD! ELIWOOD!" Cheea5 yelled what most people probably think randomly.

"Three words. Get. Mental. Help." Kratos said, head in his hands. Cheea5 then burst out laughing randomly. "...Told you..."

"HAHAHA! KENT! Guess what? I found my horse! That's great... You'll never guess where he was! Where? Ninian ATE HIM! But she spit him out again. Did she? Yeah, see u-AAUGH! -Falls off horse- SAIN! Are you all right! Unfazed Yup! I'm fine! Wah? I know! Let's race! What, just the two of us? No, with ALL the horses! –Everyone with a horse appears- OKAYREADYSETGO! -Kent thinking- _'__Where did they come from?!'_-Race starts- Uhhh... Must get Sain... to cut down on coffee..." Cheea5 was now giggling again.

"Did anyone understand that?" Everyone shook their head. Everyone except the giggling author of course. Then, out of nowhere... -The Amazing Sono-chan appears-

"Cheea5, it isn't THAT funny... ok it is, but finish the chapter already!"

"Shut up voices or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!" The Amazing Sono-chan slapped her forehead.

"Ow! That hurt!" Cheea5 snickered.

"Then don't do it." The Amazing Sono-chan stuck her tongue out and Cheea5 returned the gesture. The Amazing Sono-chan then left. "Sono is right, I should wrap this up..."

"Yea Miss Seven Page Wonder." Zelos said.

"Well since Zelos can't get a real date he got Lloyd to go out with him, that's what I've concluded." Cheea5 said. "Bye! See you next time Mithos!"

"Ah! Big words make my head hurt!" Lloyd shouted.

"Get back here punk!" Zelos yelled.

"Leave me alone!" Mithos screeched.

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That weird part with Sain and Kent was a Fire Emblem comic that my sister sent me. I read it and was like 'OMG! I can put it after the part I just typed!' By the way, my sister doesn't hit her forehead. That's what I do... Please review! I promise you WILL like the ending! Trust me.


	6. Genthos Mithus

**Couple Bashers**

Chapter 6: ... Genthos? Minus? ...Any ideas?

Disclaimer: Don't own Namco or Fire Emblem or Naruto Abridged or anything else that's a company/game.

Dedications: **Kpiddy273** asked for this couple. -Sigh- another awesome author has me hooked on this couple... Am I allowed to have multiple favorites?

**Votes**: Mithos and Genis: 1

If you want excuses look at the beginning of Cold chapter 5... -_-

**Insert rambling here -**munches on muffin-

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Two to five... I'LL KILL WHOEVER PUT THAT IN THERE! -Fuming- who likes winning anyway. I know Hector agrees with me... -twitch- Stupid Ostians... Wait! Matthew is from Ostia T.T FORGIVE ME! Wait, I've got mail ^ ^

Random reader says "GET ON WITH IT!"

Alright jeez... Ahem, Welcome back to Couple Bashers! Mithos and Genis today ^ ^

"Mithos, it's alright, Cheea5 hasn't been seen for over a month." Mithos was in a fetal position and Genis was trying to reassure him.

"Yea, I haven't updated lately have I?"

"Form a torrential vortex and engulf the evil spirits, Tidal wave!" Whoosh went the water.

"Owchies, cut me some slack."

"Get him! Gravity Well!"

"Excuse me! I'm a- EEK! -Dodges attack- Ha! You missed!"

"Grr, Fine! Infinite Powers, grant me thy strength."

"Don't you dare!" Cheea5 shrieked.

"Meteor Storm!"

"Run away!"

**-Cheea5 has left the party-**

**-Cheea5 has joined the party-**

"...What was that about?"

"The little song that came with it was kinda catchy!" Mithos commented. Cheea5 sighed.

"That has been commented on by Kratos in 'Sexy Club' so don't bother commenting again."

"Well, SORRY! My god. Telling me what to do..."

"Well I AM the author. Are YOU typing this up on a computer?" Before Mithos could respond she answered her own question. "No! Your not! So there, ha!" Mithos sighed.

"Talk about abusing exclamation points..."

"...Burn. In. He-."

"Indignation!" And watch as the author gets hit by lightning! Oh noes! An exclamation point!

"That was mean! That was ruthless! Stop acting like me!"

"Then stop uses exclamation points," Genis mumbled.

"No deal!!!!!!!1 (He he, no0b)"

"He he, moo..." That was Mithos... He watches Naruto Abridged... Dance cow dance...

"He he, Wisconsin." That, was Cheea5. She, is an idiot.

"So... How do you decide when to end these chapters?" Genis asked.

"I end it when I have about two thousand words, why?"

"No reason." Cheea5 shrugged. Silly Cheea5, she does not realize the plot that Genis has. Silly author, she doesn't realize that her readers know that Cheea5 and author are the same person. Those silly peoples.

"Ah! I feel writers block setting in! NO!"

"How many words?" Cheea5 checked (Obviously).

"Four-hundred and ten not including this. God, I WAS hoping to get this up by Christmas but..."

"But...?"

"Merry Christmas... Happy New Year..."

"What about Valentines Day?"

"... Tomorrow..."

"Four-hundred and forty eight... Not including this..."

"Happy Valentines day... Maybe I'll update now..."

"What are you talking about you inferior being." Mithos growled. Bad doggie.

"You're mean to me..." Mithos glared, Genis sighed, Cheea5 stood there, oblivious.

"Just tell us!"

"No thanks..."

"Do I have to force you!"?

"My mommy said not to talk to people who threaten me..." The author looked up. "You really are gay aren't you?" Genis crossed his arms.

"Does it really matter who's gay and who isn't?" Cheea5 smirked.

"No, just who gets the top." Both Genis and Mithos turned red. The author's smirk grew. "You two have such dirty minds to think of that, I could have meant something else. I could have meant the top in a bunk bed; you are at the sleep over age after all. Oh wait, Mithos is over four thousand years old. Does that make Mithos a-"

"Enough! You are such a dirty little pervert!"

"Hey! I'm not that little! I just wear a baggy sweatshirt..."

"No comment..."

"What were we talking about again?" –reads above- "I don't get it..."

"Then delete it..."

–Reads above again- "No... Too lazy..."

Genis glances at a random calendar. "How long are you planning on making this?"

"I already told you! God, listen once in a while..."

"Then type more!"

"Alright I will!" The author typed, listening to only the sound of her breathing and the hum of her computer. Then the author glanced out her window, seeing black disturbed only by the lights of other apartments. The author then coughed -cough cough- before yawning -yawn- and resting her right arm, her dominant arm, on the desk as she thought.

"What should I type next?" The author, also known as Cheea5, asked herself before sighing and typing this sentence. She brushed her hair out of her face before staring at her computer screen in dissatisfaction, not only at spelling and grammar errors but also at the horrible words called a chapter on her screen. "I know I can write better than this. My Lyn/Hector one shot proves this..."

Cheea5 checked her word count and shook her head in disappointment. "how disappointing." The author said foolishly like the foolish fool she was and foolishly continued the chapter... Because she's a fool... (What are you talking about? Me? Play Phoenix Wright? No... Couldn't be.) "I can't believe I just broke into song... That's really sad..."

"What the hell are you talking about?" The Cheea5 author person grinned evilly.

"I'll sing it. –breaks into song once more- Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Mithos stole the cookie from the cookie jar! -pause- Yes you! -Pause- Then who?"

Mithos seemed indecisive about whether to laugh or cast judgment.

"What? That's how it goes!" Cheea5 said defensively to the character on her computer screen as the Steel Samurai played in the background before hitting the shortcut for spell check (is it pathetic that I know the shortcut?). She then read the chapter. "Wow, I started this chapter months ago! Soccer season is long since over, I forget why I was so ticked that we lost five to two... I wonder how many words... Nine hundred seventy-one not including this... I might stop soon after one thousand this chapter..."

"You fail miserably as an author..." Genis mumbled.

"And proud of it! Word count is... One thousand one, not including this! But it is including from title to the votes in the authors note..."

"Are you going to leave or not?"

"Aren't you eager!" Cheea5 said as she glanced at Mithos. "Have fun, I'm leaving."

"Creep!"

"That's better than pervert!"

"Pervert!"

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That was really crappy... I'm sorry for taking so long... I didn't have much inspiration... If my reviewers start giving a deadline it might help but you have to be reasonable... I might not always make it because some things might happen but I'll try. Please review? Word count... One thousand one hundred and two not including this... Epic fail...


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